When I’m Counselling I’m often asked how I can help people suffering from issues such as depression and anxiety. My answer to this is two-fold. With issues such as depression and anxiety there is always an underlying root.  I believe this is what we need to talk through, understand how they still affect us. And then deal with them. Using appropriate behavioural changes will help my clients to ensure those issues don’t become overwhelming and take over their lives.

Sounds easy, but is it?   

Depression is often felt because we are conditioned to think of ourselves in a particular way. We’re told as children that we’re not good enough, not pretty enough, smart enough or cool enough. Sometimes this is out of the people we love trying to force us to be better, but it can often backfire. Well meaning intentions can leave us feeling inadequate to the task of being the people we want to be. A little bit of criticism can maybe help us improve ourselves, but very often – especially if we feel vulnerable – leave us feeling hopeless.

As a Counsellor I will work with my clients to try and find where those voices telling them come from. And then we look at whether those beliefs are still valid. As a child, I was always told by a family member that I was too fat. I know that message came from a place of trying to get me to eat better and be healthier. However the effect has been that I had missed opportunities in life because I felt I was too fat to deserve those opportunities. It’s taken me a long time to realise that the messages given to me were just out of date and no longer valid. When I think back, I regret all those years that I felt that way, and the anger with that family member has taken a long time to disappear. I know it was said with good intentions, but it was wrong. When I work with my clients, it is to ensure that they themselves don’t lose out because of outdated viewpoints of who we are as individuals. 

Counselling helps by

As a Counsellor I work with my clients to build up their self-esteem and their belief that they are worthy. We explore past childhood events and toxic relationships and can work through them and find the lesson to  be learnt. My clients benefit from my being able to accept them as they are and value their individuality. When clients experience this, they see a different perspective. A gentler and more understanding perspective, and this results in being able to value themselves more. Self-esteem and self-belief is a major factor in controlling depression. So also is the hope that things will get better.

The same is true of anxiety. With clients who are anxious I will help them find the most effective coping strategies for them. Then we will explore the issues that lie beneath that anxiety. With help to fully value themselves and find the cause of their lack of confidence in the world, anxiety can be significantly reduced.

I believe that we need help to be able to forgive ourselves for the parts of our lives when maybe we don’t live up to the ideal – whatever that is. That we need to know that we are individually worthy and that whilst we struggle, we are working to make our lives, and of those around us, better. Let us forgive ourselves and those around us, and just try and be happy.